This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
