Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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