He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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