After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
