You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
