being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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