Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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