I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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