Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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