Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
