How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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