Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
