The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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