Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
two words: eviction party
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
