don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
