umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
