the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
where are my eyebrows?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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