An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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