you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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