It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
