I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
