They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
