i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize