last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
