Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
