You're so nebulous sometimes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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