There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Can i not drive my cunt home
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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