he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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