based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
