You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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