No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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