Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
