I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
