coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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