Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
