I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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