I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
