He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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