A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's blow job season.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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