Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
