We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
FUCK WHALES
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize