Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
