I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
