It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize