you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
