A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
