woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
