why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
