she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
