We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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