Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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