I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
