I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize