Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
