he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
