that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
