He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am naked and annoyed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
