he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
