i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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