i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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