I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
