I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
