i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
