East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
