He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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