I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
