Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
