It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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