Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
